Want it All? How Dare You!
Let’s face it, if you’re reading this, you’re already one of the luckiest humans on the planet. Most likely, you are in the US or another developed country. You’re more than likely not begging for money on the street, and you have access to a computer, and electricity, and heat, and running water. You probably have a place to live, a car, or access to transportation, and indoor plumbing. You most likely have some money in the bank, eat when you’re hungry, and can spoil yourself with lattes or a scone here and there. You have someone who cares for you, you likely will never starve or be homeless or live in a tent. You may be married or partnered, have children, pets, friends, a loving family.
You get my drift.
And yet, you aren’t happy…. How dare you?
Ever get that shitty little voice of guilt when you get the “blerg” feeling? How dare I complain, want more, want different, want at all! I have won the human being lottery, for the love of Pete, how can I look at all I have and not be satisfied? How dare I?
Here’s a reframe for you:
How dare you NOT?
You, dear girl, are in the small percentage of women who GET to choose, strive, desire, and act for their own best selves. Not only must we dare, we must work to dig deeper and want even more for ourselves and our tender, resilient hearts. To allow that shitty little voice to win is to give in to all the people who told us to ______________ (fill in the blank:
be quiet, good, peaceful, sharing, nice (fucking nice!), timid, courteous, fair, pretty, skinny, satisfied, to settle, be thankful, smile more, don’t tell…)
We owe it to our daughters, nieces, friends, and to all the girls watching us to want more. Hell, we owe it to our mothers, grandmothers, aunts and all the women who came before us too. We owe it to them, and to ourselves not to settle. We have to: speak up, chase our desires, rage, yell, march, and protest. We have to truly ask, what do I want? How often do you get asked that? How often do you ask yourself? Really?
WHAT. DO. I. WANT?
You are fortunate enough to be here and now. You are a statistical miracle. Do not waste another precious second feeling guilty for wanting something different. So, ask yourself the question, what do I want? And then go get it.
Quick steps to releasing your guilt:
- Make gratitude a habit. Write down something or things you are grateful for every day. Focusing on what you do have encourages more gratitude, and also it helps hone in your desires for what isn’t working. Balance gratitude and desire.
- Tell people nice things about them. Focusing on the gifts of others will help you see your own. When you like someone’s outfit, or haircut, or act of kindness, tell them. It is amazing what kind of spirit lift that can have to you and the receiver of the compliment.
- Figure out what you value. When your values are out of alignment, so are you. If one of your core values is personal growth, and you are stagnant…well, you’re not going to be real happy.
- Go help someone less fortunate. It’ll make you feel great, give you perspective, and shift your energy. You can recognize that you are fortunate and blessed, help someone else, AND still want more/different.
- Think about your ancestors. Who are the women who came before you? Would they want you to settle or worse, beat yourself up for wanting more? Write them a letter. Ask them for permission. Do a little journaling asking your wise grannies what they wish for you and let their voices be the kick in the butt you need to go get your life.
- Do a little affirmation or incantation or mantra. Write it down. Say it often. Put it somewhere you can see your own words. Yeah, I know. They feel goofy and lame and stupid and fake. But listen, you and everyone else has spent at least 30 years telling you not to want more. It’s going to take a little work to change that wiring in your brain. Affirmations work. Try this: “I am grateful to be alive. I am worthy and I am strong. I will bring about ____________. I owe to myself, my ancestors and young girls watching me. Good enough is not good enough.”
Remember, guilt is just a choice, so is mindset. Change your mind, change your life.
Now, go rock it!
Sam Salenger is a Certified Professional Coach who works with women to Reclaim Middle Age and Find Their Awesome. Before becoming a coach, Sam was an art and classroom teacher, museum curator and exhibit designer, and an artist. Sam lives in Portland with her 2 kids and 2 cats. She enjoys nature, books, family and friends. Find her on her website: Sam Salenger Coaching.